I think way too much. About everything. I think about the places I want to go, like honestly, an insane amount. I’m always thinking about traveling, about seeing the world. I think about where I would stay, what I would do, what I would see. I think about how amazing it would all be. I think about all the things I want to do. Whether it’s go on a hot air balloon ride, or skydive, or something as simple as fishing. I think about all the people I wanna see. The ones I know and the ones I haven’t met yet. I think about what we would say to each other, what we would laugh at. Dream up conversations we’ll probably never have. I think about all the good I wanna do. How I wish I could save everything that was hurting. And everyone.
But that’s the thing. I think about it. I’m tired of just thinking about things. I’m tired of planning things. I’m tired of dreaming of things. I wanna DO them. I’m sure in some ways I could, I’m just not trying hard enough. But other things..just aren’t attainable right now. And that’s what I hate. I hate lusting after so many unattainable things because who knows how long you’ll be here? Sure, maybe in the future you could get it. But what if there is no future. I wish I could do whatever the fuck I felt like on the daily, but that’s not really possible. Because if I truly did what I wanted all the time I would no doubt fuck over myself or someone else at SOME point in the future. So it’s either do what you want now and live with the consequences or hold off and maybe never get to do it at all.. Responsibility can be a bitch sometimes.
Sometimes I wish I had everything I ever wanted. But that’s not possible, is it? It’s not in human nature to have everything you want. Because then something else comes along, something you don’t have, something amazing. And you instantly want it. Everything is always evolving and changing. So it’s incredibly impossible to have everything you want. Unless, maybe, it’s only for a moment. But then something changes. You meet someone new. You see something new. Or maybe what was yours no longer brings you happiness or satisfaction. It’s no longer what you want.
When people are asked what they want out of life so many people respond with happy. That’s all they want. To be happy. It sounds simple, right? 3 little words.. But, it’s not. It’s not simple at all. Because one second you think you’re happy and in an instant it can all change.